OK, Now It's "Real"

***WARNING*** There will be whining and complaining in this post.

I am down. And I am down for one of the stupidest reasons ever. I look frumpy. It has nothing to do with my weight, although I could stand to lose another 15 or so pounds. It’s my shoes.

The only shoes I want to wear right now are my white New Balance shoes. They are the only shoes I trust. Trust? Why should trust be considered? My New Balance shoes are the only shoes that provide me with stability and balance, no pun intended.

The only dress shoes I ever wear these days are some really cute black slingbacks with a nice stable heel. Pumps are out of the question. And I can only wear the dressy shoes for a few hours, not a whole day or my feet start cramping.

This is all due to MS. Oh, and my flat feet. I have wear inserts in most shoes to support these incredibly flat feet.

You know, I don’t think I ever got angry after my diagnosis. A little scared, sad and shocked, yes, but not angry. Perhaps this shoe issue has really made this “real” for me. I know I should be grateful that I have only a few minorly annoying MS symptoms with which I am dealing, and I am truly grateful for that. I have been living with this diagnosis for just over eleven months and it is just now hitting me. How random. I think I pushed down my emotions in order to reassure those around me that I am OK, especially my mom. I have always had a sneaking suspicion that she feels guilty, like it's her fault that I have MS, that she gave it to me or something. So I'm dealing with anger that is turning to sadness over SHOES! God, this is retarded.

It’s not like I was a fashionista, but I do clean up well. But now I have to resign myself to old-lady looking shoes. This sucks!

Any suggestions for finding non-frumpy footwear that gives the required stability for those of us with MS? I would greatly appreciate hearing about your experiences.

A Timely Vacation

We just returned from a little sojourn to San Antonio to see GH's family. We traveled by car since gas prices have dropped so much (paid $1.32/gallon when we left), so I got a lot of pleasure reading done on the lengthy drive.

GH's cousin was in TX visiting his daughter & son-in-law. His ex-wife lives a few doors down; they are on very good terms, a very amicable divorce. Anyway, Diana is in her 60s and has been living with MS for about 40 years. In GH's Jewish culture, the timeliness of this visit is what is known as bashert, or loosely translated, "destiny."

Although I already have an example of living with MS very close to me (hi, Mom!), I always find it refreshing to meet and know others with MS who live the way I hope to live. Diana is a very vivacious person who truly lives her life to the fullest. We talked openly about MS, and she noted how much better I looked this year, as compared to last year. Mind you, last year I had not been diagnosed or had any indication that I had MS.

Anyway, I truly enjoyed spending time with Diana and the rest of the family. This was a great example of how to model my life. Take care of myself, conserve my energy when I can, and enjoy the people I love having in my life. Also, don't be afraid to ask for assistance! Diana uses a cane to walk; she also has a wheelchair for longer adventures (like the Riverwalk!), but she told me she uses her wheelchair more like a walker and loads her stuff on the seat. How's that for energy conservation?

This restful vacation has inspired me to make sure I prioritize the important things in my life so I can fully enjoy them! When I grow up, I want to be like Diana! ;)

Peace,
Kelley